While my then-boyfriend and I were living in our rundown house of horrors in Essex, we tried to be out as much as possible because of the less-than-wonderful living conditions. One time, a friend of my boyfriend invited him and me to a fancy dress party with the theme, "Vamps and Tramps". I thought it would be fun since I always enjoyed dressing up, so we decided to go. The party was at his friend's house, and since we didn't have a car, we'd have to take the bus there. No big deal, since he…


Well, it is kind of hard when you have to live with a broken heart, but for an idiot like me, it is even harder. And I'm not saying that my problems are bigger than anyone else's, I just don't deal with them. Even worse, I feed them, with alcohol, cigarettes and misery. 

It was back in time when I fell in love with some random girl whom I thought was the love of my life. I'll spare you the story, she wasn't. And once I realized that, I started to drink and live like an animal.

Actually, I…



Once the summer came and the football season was over, there was only one thing that my friends and I could do: drinking till the morning and making fools of ourselves.

There is absolutely no reason for doing that, but again - there is no reason not to. And I can tell you that there is some unique kind of pleasure in recalling things that some of your friends have done last night, and laughing at them once you see them again.

So basically, it was just one more normal night in the same old…


I was living in a flat near Liverpool Street Station with my then-boyfriend and my three cats, Shoes, Titus, and Quasi. The place was a three-storey walk-up that had recently been renovated. It was small, but it suited us. We didn't bring much furniture when we moved, which was just as well since there wasn't a lot of space and the stairs were narrow and winding.. Money was tight at the time so rather than than spend money on furniture, I thought it would be a simpler idea to use laundry…


Like most people, I’ve had my fair share of nicknames. And like a lot of people, I got nicknames from my parents. Growing up I always thought that my father would give me a name like they do in the movies. A name like ‘champ’. Or even ‘squirt’. 

But is that what I got? No. I got ‘babe’.

Seriously, what kind of nickname is that for your child? It might be an affectionate name you’d give to your husband or wife and maybe even a baby. But my problem was that I was fifteen years old, six foot…


If you’ve ever lived in or visited the UK you’ll know about the sacred pact that is the quiet car on trains throughout the country. Almost akin to queuing in line and standing on the right on an escalator, or even asking if a guest or visitor would like a cup of tea on entering your house, these silent and unspoked rules more often than not are observed by the British population, with those who choose to rebel subject to a firm tutting.


I’m not one for confrontation; I much prefer a…


So, the first thing that you have to know about this story is that I’m not a particularly rich guy. I don’t have to struggle scraping rent together every month or anything but I do have to keep an eye on what I spend – it’s not like I’m out buying golden toilet seats or anything.


The second thing that you need to know is that I have a record of buying my wife truly terrible gifts, to the point that she’s requested that I don’t bother anymore.




Flashback to a few years ago, when…