I was pretty excited when my SO and I moved into our new condo. We'd been living with my parents and were happy to have our own space. I was especially looking forward to Halloween. My family didn't celebrate it, so now I could finally run riot with some ideas brewing in my mind.As the big day approached, I went all out creating a creepy environment. I carved an evil pumpkin, put a candle inside and placed it by the door, and looped some seriously dark music.The piece de la resistance was my…


It is my opinion that everybody hates funerals. I certainly do, because all those places where I need to be completely serious are just not made for me.

Now, once you are on the funeral, all you need to do to stay out of radar is not to be the worst. But few years ago when my best friend lost his grandpa I somehow didn't realize that getting drunk before the funeral is not such a good idea.

I admit it, I came there in style. I was dressed like a cowboy although I'm just a punk, and I was so…


So, the seven-year anniversary of my time with my partner has just been and gone  Don't panic, this isn't a tale of woe that details the threat of the fabled seven-year itch - we're happier than we've ever been  in order to make the occasion, we were shooting the breeze the other night and I asked her to describe some of her abiding memories of our time together. "What amazing memories we've made!" I was thinking 

Now, as many of you will know, the fastest way to prick the balloon of a man's…


A few years ago I got invited to a party  I wasn’t interested in going but my friend insisted that I should tag along and be her wing woman 

So, being a good friend, I turned up at the party even though it was the last place I wanted to be 

Seriously, I would have rather been at home watching TV  than be in a room full of strangers getting drunk and rowdy.

I texted my friend to let her know that I was there  but I didn’t get a reply, so I started looking for her. To be honest, I was…


In addition to getting up close and personal with the peacocks roosting above our heads at night, one of the many things my SO and I enjoyed about our visit to a working ranch was interacting with the many animals there.That included the ostriches, and the egg I took as a souvenir then forgot about at home till I found it months later. One of the billy goats, who reeked like really ripe goat cheese, took a particular fancy to my SO and tried to engage in an enthusiastic bro hug. After my SO…


You know how sometimes life has a funny way to provide justice? Sometimes you can see it, and sometimes, well, you just don't have a clue.

It was a few years ago, and I didn't wanted to come out of bed so I putted a used condom in pack of cigarettes that my friend left me earlier that day. I know it doesn't make any sense to do that, but you know how laziness can convince you to do unbelievable things.

I certainly do know that. So for some reason, even though everything leaked out of that…


Back in the days when my SO and I had a timeshare, we usually tried to get up there at least once a year. The resort was beautiful, but one summer I decided I wanted to do something different, so I found out about a working ranch in the general area that accommodated a few guests.  It seemed like a fun idea, and since I was an animal lover, I was looking forward to hanging out four a couple of days with various critters. So we drove out to this remote ranch. The wife was pretty nice, but the…


Ah, the humble music festival. It's a rite of passage for countless young people, and being a heavy metal fiend my youth, my teens and twenties were defined by an annual pilgrimage to Donington for the Download Festival. Exciting times!  

Sadly, one such expedition didn't go strictly according to plan  this is the story of how I was never trusted to arrange such an event again 

So, things got to a slightly rocky start when my friend came to collect me at the crack of dawn and interrupted my…


It was a Saturday night like any other - which, at this point of my carefree twentysomething life, meant that it had involved copious amounts of Jack Daniels. You know the kind of evening in question - it was spent bar-hopping around the exotic climes of Romford, ensuring that while I like to imagine that I was smoother than silk the reality was more likely to resemble . Stumbling home after completing my night on the tiles, it was time for an uneventful night of restful sleep and no hangover…


Many people walk through life acting like they are somebody else. But me and my brother, we do that with style.

Every time we see something that we like, we basically become that. Now, you would think that everyone does that sometimes, but believe me, they don't. At least not so extreme.

I still remember that time when my brother started listening to GG Allin. Every week he was getting naked in public and he started to hate everyone. He was prepared to talk about violence for hours to…

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