Well, I guess that it's a normal thing for every man to have that one mate that never liked football. Since my best friend was always a loser (like all of us, but he thought he was cool), he never watched football because he was more into death metal and super heroes. Now, it is okay not to watch something that you don’t find interesting, but he used to make himself an idiot when he tries to talk about football.
“Yeah, if you ask me, best players in the world are Ronaldinho, David Beckham and Michael Schumacher!”
“Now, mate, you are just saying every football player that you know… and Michael Schumacher is not even a football player… just don’t talk about football and everything will be alright!”
“ Oh yeah? Well you’ll see when your West Ham loses 75-0 on Saturday!”
And no, he wasn’t joking, he actually knew nothing about football. But one day, something happened to my best friend, he started betting a lot, and although he never got any money, he started to like Middlesbrough. And from time to time, he was watching football with us, and honestly, we were all happy because of that.
Now, he never learned what offside is, but it was hard telling him rules every time he watches football, so we just chose to let him learn by watching the game. It was funny, he was yelling at referee every time he disallowed goal for a clear offside. He became very emotional about football and Middlesbrough and I never thought I’d see that.
Years after he started watching football, it became annoying for us, because he still hasn’t learned a single rule. He knew basics, but when it comes to offside, he just doesn’t get it. We tried to tell him what offside is, but we gave up cause he never managed to learn that simple rule.
One day everyone came to my place to watch him watch Middlesbrough. Nobody wanted to watch the game, cause Karanka made Middlesbrough really unwatchable, but it was fun to see my best friend yell at players. Middlesbrough was losing, like always, and that’s when it happened. It was a simple foul somewhere in the middle of the field.
“PENALTY!!!! How is this not a penalty????” – he started yelling
“Wait, mate, how can this be a penalty?” – I asked him
“Have you seen this foul? Have you seen what this guy did???”
“Yes I’m watching the game. Can you please explain what penalty is?”
“Are you trying to make me look like an idiot? This challenge was with both legs, it’s for penalty!”
That’s when we lost it. Everyone was laughing at him. He didn’t know what penalty is and he was watching football for years now. I still can’t explain how… but my best friend didn’t know what penalty is…